To infinity, and beyond!
Once you’re a grown-up, any “toys” you may or may not own are generally not something you want to tell your Mum about. But occasionally one comes along that’s so taboo, so exhilarating, so unbelievably controversial that there’s nothing for it but to cast off the suffocating shackles of the vacuous hoi polloi and sing out its praises liberated and inappropriate to anyone who’ll listen (so… Mum then… pretty much exclusively… oh…) Like for example, the limited edition Buzz Lightyear doll with detachable cape, sensory voice activation and dual LED light rocket ship I got for a steal last week from e-bay seller AndysMom63, “Mum! Mum! Did you see how Buzz’s wings expanded on the backwards loop-de-loop? Did you? I’ll do it again – watch!!! To infinity, and beyoooonnnd!!! Well it works better if I’m wearing my cape – have you seen my cape? I’ll put it on - go get Dad!!”
Toys are awesome.
So you can imagine the excitement that swept through the office when Keg Bike rolled in - it almost cost me my spot as reigning Jenga champ! Almost. But it’s going to take a lot more than the world’s most awesome mobile tap to shake these nerves of steal. And anyway, I barely care because it’s Battleships week. Still, just like the time I was given my brother’s old BMX for his tenth birthday, we just had to take Keg Bike to the streets and show off our ace new wheels to all the neighbourhood kids. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be seen getting around town on an umbrella adorned tricycle?? Nobody. And I’ll steal the playlunch of anyone who says otherwise.
Needless to say we were like the kids with the biggest conkers in the schoolyard. Keg Bike is the shiz! What it lacks in handlebar ribbons and spokey-dokeys it makes up for in its ability to serve up icy-cold mineral water, its delightfully camp (sorry, “very manly”) striped umbrella, and its general red-ness (for speed, obviously). The people could not get enough…
Just look at all the friends we made! Why there could be dozens where they came from!! Keg Bike promises to be the greatest toy we ever pooled our pocket money for - unlike the complete set of Jurassic Park dolls that I’m not even allowed to take out of their display boxes (what is the point of having a T-Rex and a Pterodactyl in the office if I can’t even pit them against each other?!!) Still, if AndysMom63 taught me anything, it’s that threatening to leave a bad review on somebody’s e-bay profile can get you 30% off a mint condish, limited-edition Pixar figurine. And that except for me and Buzz and our matching capes, Keg Bike’s pretty much the raddest toy going round. Play your cards right and maybe we’ll let you ride it to the corner shop and back. Maybe. You’d have to literally play your cards right though. Uno anyone?
